So lately I’ve been working on my new book called Finding My Mojo. I’ll be uploading pages and videos here on a daily basis from it in a few weeks but in the meantime I wanted to tell you about the F*kit List.

In Finding My Mojo, I am on a quest, not only to rebuild my life, but to reinvent myself as well. Fate intervened in my life so that I found myself in a foreign country with an opportunity to literally start fresh. When I thought I was coming here to host Celebrity Fit Club and had what I thought was a watertight contract, I gave everything I owned to women’s shelters in Australia, figuring I would just buy when I got here as the plan was to start work the week I arrived.

When the job fell through I figured I was brought here for a reason and even though I literally HAD nothing I decided to explore whatever that may be. Who knows what the world had in store for me and my son and there was really nothing to go back to in Australia so why not jump and see where it took us?

What I didn’t factor in was a Craigslist scammer taking all my money on a fake lease of a property that WASN”T for rent (something I found out three days after moving myself and my son in),  having my car taken by a “friend” without my permission and her trashing and dumping it, and then getting hit by a car that left me in pain and rehab for a year, undergoing back surgery and putting on 50 pounds in the process.

Oh dear, fat, forty and f*cked in Hollywood! Oops! Didn’t plan for that to happen.

So that’s where I started. Ground Zero. When life gives you lemons, start squeezing the crap out of them, add some sugar and water and sell it for 25c and hope you sell a lot. Starting with NOTHING is challenging.

So I wanted to change a lot of things- personally, professionally, financially, physically, emotionally… but where do you start? I’ve made my weight the focus of my entire life and to be honest, no matter what I weighed I never really found that deep soul satisfying happiness. Too fat, not thin enough…it was time to stop waiting to live my life when I got to an acceptable weight, whatever that was supposed to be. So this time I would do things differently. I decided to focus on Finding My Mojo which I hope will eventually lead me to being happy AND healthy with a life I love and adore and maybe even someone to share it with (other than Kai of course).

So I sat down and created The F*kit List. 101 things that would have me step outside my comfort zone – which is normally devoted to getting work (making my dream of getting a US book/tv deal come true) and devoting the rest of my life to my son who has Aspergers and who is everything to me. It’s no wonder I don’t have a man – I never go out to find one. But my journey is more than just finding a man or losing weight, it’s about losing your way and fighting your way back so you can live in purpose, with passion and be fulfilled every day you wake.

So I made the list and it’s not complete – people send me suggestions and I add them and so far I’ve only done a few, one of which I wrote about here previously which was feeding the homeless on Skid Row which was a life changing day for me. There are plenty of other things, some meaningful, some silly and some simply too terrifying to even contemplate doing just yet – like spending a day at a nudist colony and swimming with sharks.

I’m currently doing number 32 on the list which is a stand up comedy course (and performance at The Comedy Store) and yesterday I did number 7 which was dance in a Flash Mob.

I was a dancer a long time ago. Looking back over my life recently I realized that I pretty much stopped living when my mom died. I was 24 at the time. I quit comedy, I quit acting (despite being in some quality films including The Crossing with Russell Crowe), I quit studying law at UNSW, I never went out, I never saw or made any new friends and the only thing I didn’t do was quit eating. I basically ate and drank myself stupid for 6 years until one day I woke up morbidly obese at 300 pounds. It was a living death.

Becoming a single mother was a wake up call I will never forget and I lost a lot of weight, putting myself in therapy, putting my life back together again and some amazing things happened. I kept a diary of it, I got a book deal, I became host of The Biggest Loser and I am a passionate and devoted mother to my son.

But I lost myself and recently I realized I was going to turn into one of those women who have nothing when their kids leave home and I did NOT want to be that person. I had and have so much more potential than that. I realized that a part of me had died when my mom died – a HUGE part and now it was time to start living again. So I made the list and on it are some things I used to love to do, one of which is DANCE!  I was a dancer once upon a long long time ago. I loved it. It made me feel so happy and free and I want that feeling back!

But I put all these restrictions on myself and tell myself I was never good enough or I’m too fat to dance. F*kit! No one can tell me not to dance no matter how old, fat or uncoordinated I am – hey I can do a mean kick ball change but the Running Man,,,,,hmmmmmm but F*kit! There is no law stating that I have to be anything other than myself and so on the advice of a friend of mine, Corrine, thank you so much, I registered with Flash Mob America and yesterday I did my first ever flash mob for a 50^th Birthday party.

Oh my gosh it was sooo much fun. It felt so Hollywood, standing in the rehearsal space, learning the dance…I felt like I was in an episode of Fame and I remembered my excitement at coming to the land of opportunity, I remembered being 17 and in drama college, wanting to come and work here one day. It was a pinch me moment. I am waking up again, like Snow White after her death like sleep and it feels amazing. Dancing just feels so great AND it’s exercise so I probably burnt a pound or two having fun. Double win for me! And I met some people! I’ve been here two years and made no friends because I never go out. But that is changing now thanks to My F*kit List and Finding My Mojo.

And on top of it all I was really inspired by Conroe Brooks and his ability to have fun, make people happy and make money out it. What better way to live your life? This is what I want. These are the people I need to meet and be with and not the few crazy psychos I met when I first got here who burned me by taking advantage of my naivety and generosity. There ARE good people out there and I am going to find them and I am going to have a lot of fun and inspiration along the way.

Great day and absolutely thoroughly recommend everyone do a Flash Mob because I will certainly be back for more!

www.flashmobamerica.com

His fear manifested in an ear-ache, the sniffles and he seriously looked sick. I let him stay home. Having heard NOTHING from the school, and only a day away from the party, I couldn’t guarantee his safety anyway, so why try?

How can I assure my son he is safe when clearly he is not?

He spent the day doing school work and not surprisingly, as the day went by, he felt better so at 3 pm. I let him ride to school to greet his friends in the hope of an after school bike ride.

It was less than 30 minutes later when Kai walked back in the door in tears. The bully had been first out of the school WITH the birthday boy and they collectively announced that Kai was no longer welcome and that the entire group had voted and decided Kai was never allowed to hang out with them ever again and he had to leave immediately or else…..

Poor Kai. He was devastated and came home in tears believing that his entire social structure had been put to a vote, he had been deemed unworthy and therefore expelled from having ANY friends.

Of course, I KNEW there had been no vote and the bully had simply influenced one kid enough to do his dirty work but Kai didn’t wait around to find out these two boys were lying…he was back in his bedroom with the world crashing down around him.

I rang the school principal AGAIN and implored him to get involved. I can hazard a guess at his reluctance….the mother of the bully once laughingly boasted that she had cleared a previous “misunderstanding” up by opening up her check book and making a considerable donation…we are in Beverly Hills after all.

I was in tears, begging him to act or be held accountable. He was finally listening because I had ccd the Bill Cunningham show in on my email (after they had read my blogs and asked if we would come on the show) calling him out for his silence after the last few threats this kid had made. He did say that anything said outside of school wasn’t his jurisdiction…..but if you are coerced into having sex with your boss away from the office it is still sexual harassment right? These kids are linked by the school they attend therefore the school MUST get involved.

SURELY?

During our conversation he suggested my son finding new friends. I couldn’t believe I had to explain to him that this would only reinforce the bully’s actions…..there was also mention of Kai attending another school (one choice many other kids have had to make because of this kid)…once again not really addressing the issue at hand….the kid who needs to be reprimanded and the other kids who need to learn to make a stand AGAINST bullying. EDUCATION is what we need. We need to let all the other kids be empowered enough to say that what this one kid says is NOT the RULE!

What also transpired during this conversation was an admission by the principal that there was a long line of complaints from other children and parents about this one particular kid and I couldn’t help but say to him, “Don’t you see this kid needs help? Call child services. DO SOMETHING! PLEASE!” Countless kids have left the school because of this kid’s bullying. One kid only managed to stop the bullying by growing faster than him and his dad telling him to punch him, which he did when the kid tried to steal his cookie. Seriously. This kid is stealing kid’s cookies? Am I not the only one who sees this kid is in serious need of some decent guidance?

This is child abuse of a different kind because the parents absolutely refuse to intervene and openly encourage the kid to do this. The principal also advised me to call the police. I haven’t so far, because every time we speak up the bullying gets worse. But after three serious threats made to him I think it might be time. That said, my son is begging me to not write this, worried that the mom will get enraged again, like she was last week…so my kid is not only being bullied by a kid but by the mom as well.

I know one thing. We can’t fight this fight alone. Thankfully a few people on facebook suggested a few bigwigs on the bullying front. I reached out to them. They got back to me immediately. I’ve already been speaking via email and will be talking to them tomorrow.

Kai finally realized today that his silence is doing nothing and only making it worse. So now we are fighting the big fight. Whatever it takes. This mom thinks she can win because she has a bigger bank balance but she is wrong or thinks she somehow has more power than me. Every child has an equal right to a peaceful existence regardless of anything…. I truly deeply believe justice will prevail and if we can yell it out loud enough then not only will these kids learn what to do to beat bullying but other kids will be brave enough to speak out.

The time has come. We will not be silenced. This IS war. And we WILL win.

Bill Murray, thank you for getting back to me. Bill Cunningham, thank you for listening. Troops, it is time to rally and stamp out bullying once and for all.

She went on to say that all personal training is banned from the park and that she could fine us if we continued. Oh my goodness gracious me. Somebody please pinch me because surely I am dreaming and this is a nightmare that will go away when I wake up.

We have an epidemic of obesity and Beverly Hills is banning people from working out in the park. Raymond and I were incredulous to say the least and the Ranger explained that if we were just friends then we could work out but he was clearly “training” me and therefore not allowed to.  I explained that I was actually interviewing him on camera for my upcoming article on Celebrity trainers. She said that if I wanted to work out with trainers I had better watch my “verbiage”. Now, I am known for my potty mouth so I had to think, was I swearing in pain as Raymond was pushing me through my routine? I did lose 2 pounds overnight…it was a hardcore workout but I was pretty sure I didn’t drop any f bombs in the process. No, she referred to me asking him about being a “trainer” and that I should not do that because she would then have to enforce the code (by fine) or force us to leave. Charming.

We then checked out the sign she pointed us to and it did say that private or group training of any kind was banned and on special circumstance needed a permit from the Beverly Hills council. Now, let’s define private training. Private training could be as simple as a fitter friend helping a not so fit friend get their body in shape. It could mean a better soccer player taking a learner and giving them tips. Of course they MEAN personal trainers but what if you can’t afford a gym membership and hire a trainer to show you a routine you can do in the park? What if you just prefer to work out with a trainer? This is a public park, why shouldn’t you be allowed to work out with a trained professional? First of all you achieve beter results, you are trainer safer under the guidance of a pro and as long as you are not bothering anyone else then surely they should be encouraging people to move more. I was going to say “move more and eat less” but I seem to be the only person in LA who has a problem with the “eating less” portion of that statement!

I rang the Beverly Hills council and was initially told that there was no such ordinance banning training in the park. I was shuffled from department to department and no one really knew the guidelines of such a ruling. Then 24 hours later someone by the name of Michael got back to me and left a message explaining you needed a business license (ka-ching) to operate any kind of business in Beverly Hills but even if you did, you needed four walls to do so. Ummm, so a trainer has to have a  Beverly Hills based studio WITH 4 walls  or he has to have 4 walls to work out in the park? They must also possess a business license and then buy and apply for an outdoor work permit to use the park which may or may not be given and is on a case by case basis…I’m exhausted and I haven’t even left my chair, think I’ll go eat a donut because trying to work out in the fresh air is obviously way too hard.

I questioned him about the obesity epidemic and how such a ruling works adversely with the childhood and adult obesity epidemic and he didn’t have an answer for me.  It’s not his job to make the rules but simply to enforce them. I’m waiting for the mayor to get back to me  on the issue but I won’t hold my breath.

It’s ridiculous to expect trainers to buy business licenses, work and park permits for every district they train in. It’s ridiculous to not allow people to train in the park with a professional. It’s ridiculous that Beverly Hills can’t encourage people to move more and make health and fitness a part of their Recreational parks and community charter without having to sting them for even more money of threaten to remove people from the park. Seriously, we took up about six square feet of space and were just trying to live a healthy active life. Not everyone in Beverly Hills has their own studio or private yard to work out in or the ridiculous cost of membership to the local gym ($180 per month). Sadly it’s another example of Beverly Hills refusing to accept that not every resident is a millionaire and restricting every day access to the every day resident. Shame on you Beverly Hills council, get with the program will you?

Good Luck to the Westlake Community in their court case to abolish the ridiculous and outdated concept of tenured teachers. It is simply unacceptable that high achieving teachers with fresh credentials, up to the minute training methods and a passion to educate are losing jobs to tenured teachers who are failing their students, not bothering to update their credentials, who have lost their love of the game, and are just biding their time in a job they know they can’t lose, simply waiting their days out.

Teachers MUST be judged on how they are performing and I don’t mean result based only because that doesn’t account for students with learning difficulties. Students must be interviewed and listened to and be part of the process in judging a teacher’s performance. The school my son attends has teachers who have been there 30 years and I have heard horrifying stories of these teachers screaming and abusing kids on a daily basis to the point where parents have discussed sending hidden cameras into the room to catch them out. Beverly Hills has some of the worst achievement results in mathematics across the district and with most of the maths teachers tenured it begs the question, who benefits the most out of this system? Certainly not the kids.

Of course the principal does nothing. He did nothing when my son’s teacher dragged him out of the classroom by his sweater (we had a meeting that went nowhere), he did nothing when my son’s pants were taken and vandalized two weeks ago and this week he hasn’t returned my email request for a meeting about the detailed and specific threat made to my son by another child (yes the same one I have been talking about recently).

It’s tough.

My son begs me to say nothing, do nothing bout the teachers who need to go and the bullying that goes on. Even yesterday he came home saying the kids had been reading my blog since psychomom made a big deal about it last week and he didn’t want me saying anything to anyone anymore. We were invited onto the Bill Cunningham show to talk about bullying but my son is terrified of it making things worse and I’ll be honest, that mom is a psycho – the kind who will do anything to make your life miserable whether or not she is in the wrong. She has far too much time and not enough conscience to do something worthwhile with her time and money and rather spends her days getting upset at me fighting for my son’s right to a peaceful life but also trying to educate others on the subject of bullying. It’s the ultimate dilemma. I speak out in an attempt to make a positive change but the bullies harass the kid, call him a tattletale and make life worse for him.

I tried to explain that the good parents and the good kids don’t have anything to worry about, that their parents would explain that it is silence that makes things worse but does it?

Silence means the bullies get away with it. Speaking out, Rosa Parks style, requires courage and there is no guarantee it will end well but sometimes you have to trust. Someone has to make the first bold move to effect a change. It’s the same with lemon teachers – it’s time to stand by your work or get out of the game.

I have a good feeling about this Westlake court case and hope it is the first in many cases where the kids and the education they get is THE most important thing we think of when deciding which teachers get to keep their jobs.

This year I decided to stop being a martyr and put all my energy into appreciating the fact that I am a mother to a beautiful son I love and cherish. I have a boy who I could not live without and who I pride myself on as my life’s work. And maybe I’m doing a decent job at bringing up a compassionate soul, because this year he seemed to get what the day was all about versus running off to bike around the neighborhood and not mentioning the day at all (it’s different when you don’t have a husband to remind your kid to burn the toast and make a card).

We didn’t do anything magnificent but I did manage to coerce him into hiking Runyon Canyon, something I usually do alone with the dogs, or if he has come he has grumbled and moaned the whole way up and down. Not this day. We walked and talked and Kai actually found out things about me he had never known – things like how many horses I had while growing up and the fact that I used to do stand up comedy and had written and performed many musical theater shows all over Australia.

It’s funny really, I have had so many incarnations over the years, it’s not so surprising he doesn’t remember all of them, particularly the ones he wasn’t around for because I’m not the kind of person who talks about everything I have done. A kid on the Spectrum doesn’t usually ask questions about anything other than their field of interest.  Yesterday I became his and it felt amazing.

We hiked, had lunch at a new place that he said is now his new favorite place to eat (another tick for a kid on the spectrum), we went to the movies and watched two back to back, then grabbed a quick bite at his favorite pasta place on the way home, finishing up with him writing me a beautiful letter and a drawing.

He has grown a lot lately – physically and emotionally. He had a really bad night Friday with the bully and the bully’s mother being particularly mean and me canceling my rare Friday night plans to rock him as he sobbed, not really understanding why his friends stand by and let this kid say such nasty things to him and then leave him stranded on the street to go home alone and in tears. I explained, again, that this kid would not win the long term game of life and that he would be better off for going through this and staying his beautiful loving self. The best moment was when one of the kids stood up to the bully and ditched him, bringing half the kids to our place for a super sleep over.

The sad thing is, no one needs to ditch anyone. It’s the mom who creates this horrible fighting and if she just got a life and realized that she doesn’t have to like me, or my son, or what I write about our day to day life (apparently she chased my son down the street brandishing printed pages of my blog….hilair…sorry…..but really?) We just need to teach all the kids about tolerance and understanding, helping them to get along, like they would have to in a workplace later in life.  Life lessons start now.

Anyway, fast forward to this Mother’s Day and my son showed me for the first time ever that he gets just how much I love him, just how far I will walk over hot coals for him and that all I do and continue to do IS appreciated.

Great day. Great great day!.

God , I promised I wouldn’t weigh in on this debate but I just can’t help myself. Time magazine – shame on you. Here’s what I consider: NOT whether or not any woman is mom enough due to the longevity of her breastfeeding, but that poor child being directed to stand like that and look at the camera that way, with numerous ADULTS watching on.  This was probably not just a quick one shot of the moment in action…let’s be blunt, she is not lactating from the other breast so you can reasonably assume this child is not actually feeding in this situation. This shoot would have taken a good amount of time, with plenty of people on hand making sure they got the “money shot”, the child told to stand on the chair, latch on, look this way, at an age that would guarantee he did not understand WHY he was doing that, which is when this child’s right to feed turned into something nastier – him being used INAPPROPRIATELY.

We impound artworks and call artists perverts and pedophiles when using children in provocative poses that ignite debate, and YET this photographer and TEAM from TIME have done exactly the same…..they have used a child in a semi sexual pose, taking the private and real intimacy of a child getting nutrition from their mother and turning it into a perverted peep show that this child will have to live with PUBLICLY for the rest of their life. There are no take backs on the Internet. I should know! This will come back to haunt him over and over again, and I have no doubt will be valuable ammunition in the wrong hands, guaranteeing this kid will have no choice but to relive this, and not for all the right reasons. Therapists, line up now. I hope his mom puts some of her appearance money away cause that kid is going to need it. I can see the images used on his facebook page, on posters at school sent as a paper airplane, a viral email, or perhaps even brought back to haunt him during whatever career path he chooses, god forbid it be in politics….

OMG I am so angry. Breastfeeding is a woman’s right, and not for everyone.  Sometimes some people don’t have the  luxury of it being a CHOICE – I was forced to stop at 7 months after having a car accident that required medication, a friend of mine stopped because she was a single mom and had to go back to work…another friend of mine just couldn’t get started, her child not taking to it, and another friend of mine, having lived through the heartbreak of infertility didn’t even consider the loss of breastfeeding, now a beautiful loving mother of a gorgeous baby girl adopted from China. Are they mom enough?

This is a breastfeeding version of a pissing contest and I bet it was cooked up by some middle-aged men in a boardroom, who were probably NOT breast fed and who spend their bonding nights ogling women in strip clubs, far away from their own mother’s approving eyes.

Next time I want to prove I’m a good mom I won’t be flopping my left breast out and getting my kid to nibble on it whilst eyeballing a camera then proceeding to go on every talk show that would have me. Ironic, coming a day after Halle Berry chased down paparazzi’s for invading her children’s right to a private life.

Oh my god, Time magazine is no doubt laughing all the way to the bank, as is the mom who should keep her breastfeeding private, not locked away out of sight, but not used as some ploy to incite, delight or horrify just to get a headline.

Time for a boycott I think. This poor child. Time for the authorities to look into this and how it was handled. Time for Child Services to weigh in on this debate and check that this kid is going to be ok. Time to say that enough is enough in using children to fuel a parent’s own agenda.

Wrong wrong wrong! Shame shame shame!

After spending hours cleaning the “graffiti” off my son’s vandalized pants yesterday, I was hoping he would be really excited to have his favorite pants fixed and cleaned ready for school today.

Sadly that was not how the afternoon went. What transpired was a heart breaking conversation that has sent me here asking for help.

This year, my 12 year old son Kai, with the help of an incredible teacher, started to believe for the first time ever, that he was actually capable of getting good grades. He excelled in certain classes and improved in others. He went from believing he was stupid to realizing he had much more potential than he uses. He took a 10% math grade up to 60% and while for some parents that’s a mark that warrants punishment, for us, it shows just how far he can go in just one year and that anything is possible, if he just trusts and applies himself.

Recently he had another burst of inspiration and yesterday shared with his friends that his goal was to finish middle school with mostly A’s and B’s. His “friends” turned around and told him, apparently not for the first time, that no one cares what grades he got, that he was in the retard class (he has one unit of IEP), and that not only did he not even have to try in school, but it didn’t matter what he did because he would never be accepted into a private school, he would never get into college and no one would ever want to give him a job except at McDonalds. Nice huh?

And before you assume it is the same kid I was talking about yesterday, it wasn’t. It was actually a kid whose mom is probably one of the most normal decent women in the bunch. Her kid is well-mannered, smart and a good kid. He HAS recently been spending a LOT of time with that other kid (the ring leader bully) so maybe that has rubbed off on him as it has done before……but HOW DARE THEY?

OMG. My poor son. It explains why recently he has been asking about the college ads he sees on TV, because he has been told he would never even have a shot at UCLA or anywhere else “that mattered”.

Now, we all know Einstein dropped out of school but it’s a far reach for kids today to make that kind of connection and be inspired by it. So I’m asking for help. I’m asking for stories of kids/people who may or may not be on the Spectrum, who have recently gone on to do really great things with their life…..and I don’t need them all to be about Temple Grandin, we know she is amazing but right now I would settle for a friend of a friend of a friend of mine had a kid who…..blah blah blah.

Parents of kids on the spectrum know their kids have certain talents/obsessions that will make them experts in their field, and far more dedicated to their line of work than your average Joe, but with high school a year away and trying to give my son some hope I really need some stories of kids who are doing well.

And yes I did let the school principal know, obviously there needs to be some educating of a different kind done at the school but I won’t be holding my breath on HIM doing anything about it….but what I have decided to do is write up an anti bullying manifesto with a note to the parents about teaching their kids awareness and acceptance of difference and a pledge their kids can take and sign for a zero tolerance to bullying. I am going to hand them out at the school gate next week….hahaha……I’ll also be contacting the local paper as well. My fight has really only just begun!

Please help and send me YOUR stories of people on the Spectrum or with learning difficulties who are moving on to bigger and better things in their life after school.

Thank You x

My son has been bullied his whole school life. Life in Beverly Hills no different than anywhere else we have lived other than, sometimes I don’t understand how kids with such abundant wealth can derive so much joy from being mean. I guess the old adage that money can’t buy happiness rings true again. I know that despite my bank balance being smaller than most of these people’s nannies, I have a far closer relationship with my kid…so whose the winner? Me, for sure.

In the last week my son has been ditched by his “friends”, picked on by the ringleader to the point where he voluntarily left his friend’s pool party and came home to be alone, had his lunch stolen, had his school books hidden and I’ve just spent the last two hours trying to get rid of the penis’s some little punk decided to draw on my son’s favorite pants before throwing them into a store room during PE.

Just one of the offending drawings on my son's pants

How long was this kid out of class to do this?

And that’s just some of the bullying he has told me about. I know there’s a lot more that goes on that he doesn’t tell me for fear I will seek recourse and sadly, he is right. Speaking up does NOTHING! The school NEVER do anything even though they claim to have an anti bullying program, all that ever happens is the kids call YOUR kid a tattle tale and tease them even more.

Almost a year ago,  a spoilt, only-child of a vain and shallow Beverly Hills try hard socialite mother and drug addicted court ordered supervised father, the ringleader of this gang, shoved Kai out of a house at midnight calling him a gay, retarded baby.

When I let the mother know what had happened, she responded by taking her son and his friends air-softing the very next day, uninvited my son to her son’s birthday party, shut me out of her vacuous world (no great loss there) but WORSE, she ENCOURAGED her son to kick Kai out of the group. How do I know this? Because the kid came to me, apologizing for his mother’s behavior and admitting that she told him to gang up on my son and leave him on his own during Halloween when all the kids hang out together. Yes, I blame the parents. This kid has amazing potential – he is a good looking, talented, popular kid getting a good education. But if his mother continues to coddle and encourage his on again off again bullying then he will never learn and sadly, the way things are going, he will push someone too far, and should someone be injured or lose their life through his bullying then it seems the law IS moving in the right direction and he, or kids like him, will wind up in Juvey or jail.

But it gets worse. I blogged about it, didn’t mention any names but she knew it was her kid I was talking about, and his mother went mental at him and scared him so much he has NO choice but to bully my son. Recently he made Kai hide in a bathroom at another friend’s house when his mother came over because she demands that NO ONE spend any time with Kai or she makes HER kid go home. She gives her kid NO choice. He begged me to not mention if he was ever at my place and to not take photos of him with the boys for Facebook but she has since scared him so much he doesn’t come over anymore. Seriously how screwed up is that?

Every second weekend this kid goes to his dad’s place, nowhere near Beverly Hills and the difference in Kai’s demeanor is equivalent to someone living with domestic violence. When it’s good it’s good but when it’s bad it is horrid! When that kid is not around, all the other kids are cool, they have fun, Kai is included in everything and he has a smile wider than a Cheshire Cat. The next weekend, when the bully is back with his mom and hanging with the gang, the mood is much different, Kai keeping to himself, not participating or if he does venture out, it usually winds up with him in tears a few hours later when this kid suddenly decides he has had enough of being nice.

And YES, if I could get to the other parents and get them to teach their kids to stick up for my kid then this kid’s power would be diminished and he wouldn’t rule the roost. But this woman then just organizes something fun for everyone but my son and of course, the kids follow him. It’s not that I can’t compete, I won’t. Despite her uninviting my son from her kid’s party, her son was invited and came to mine. I will NOT stoop to her level. And the other parents are friends of hers, I’m the new kid on the block and in a world driven by your bank balance, I am far from influential (for now).

I’ve tried getting the school to do something but what? They won’t even take the kids to see the movie Bully. My son has seen it three times because he often feels like the kid who took his life. The sooner we bring in a solid legislation that means that anyone who bullies ANYONE (in person or on the internet) can and will be held accountable then we might make this world a better place…but the saddest part of that is even considering that even more children will lose their lives to this most disgusting of human behaviors.

Bullying is EVIL. It breaks my heart, makes me so angry I could scream and frustrates the life out of me because, I, the one mom who will literally lay down her life for her child (okay, I’m not the only one, but this group of moms are too busy getting pedicures to care about what their kids are up to), and I just cannot seem to do anything that seems to make a difference. Yes, I support and love him through it and after a very scary time of him cutting himself we have managed to come a long way from that but it still hurts.

To hear him crying this morning because his favorite pants were ruined was heart breaking – made worse by him being a kid on the spectrum….his pants, his favorite pants are a symbol of stability, he feels safe and secure when he wears the same thing, so when that is treated with such disrespect it just tears his foundation apart and I am left to pick up the pieces and put them back together again.

Please please please, if you are a parent of a kid who bullies, and you know if you are, please don’t bury your head in the sand…get some help, before it is too late not only for the bullied but for the bully. You wouldn’t have them arrested and jailed so stop them before it goes that far.

I don’t have a solution. I wish I did. I will keep working on my anti bullying program and one day will get it into schools in the hope of educating these kids. Hopefully parents will take their kids to see Bully but I fear it will only be the bullied who get to see it. And please, parents of kids who stand by, convince your kids that they are MORE powerful if they stand up and say NO. That is all it would take – one group, one voice, one more life saved from the terrible effects of bullying.

Please. Before it is too late. Again.

I went above and beyond for Justin, who from day one, proved himself to be untrustworthy and unrealistic in his expectations. The worst thing is I had not done an endorsement deal before despite being offered them, holding out for a business that I believed in. The damage he is doing to me, my reputation and future earnings is heinous, all because he wants to get out of paying me the money he legally and contractually owes me, probably because he just can’t afford to pay me although according to him, his business partner is plenty cashed up with a business in selling titanium knees.

Here are the facts:

1selectfitness is run by two people: Justin Burden and James Markillie who I was told by Justin and according to his email and business card, also works for or with Smith and Nephew. Justin told me James was the money and silent partner behind the business and Justin and James  came to all events with me, very much assuring me they were partners in this start up business. James remains silent in the ongoing issue not only of my outstanding payment but the ongoing defamation of me that Justin is using as a pathetic way to promote his failing business.

James Markillie, business partner of Justin at a lunch I attended with their children.

His business isn’t failing because of me. His business is failing because he doesn’t pay his bills, he doesn’t listen to advice and won’t do what is needed to make it a success.

From day one Justin either paid his bills late or underpaid them. In the beginning I gave him countless hours of my time and advice, something very few celebrity endorsees would do but I saw that he had little to no idea about what he was doing and I wanted to help him as much as I could to make it a success.

I did so much work for him well before receiving any money from him and in good faith, after he cried poor and had me reduce my fee and make it part payments, something I have now come to regret given he is still using my name to promote his business despite not honoring his contract. I organized a photo shoot, paid for hair and make up and sent him photos.

After six weeks had still passed and he was still sending multiple emails a day asking me to introduce him to various contacts and for more advice yet not having paid me I had my friend Mark Garraghy from Workout World NOT meet with him until he honored his contract with me.

I should have pulled out at that point because clearly he was not someone to trust. I advised Justin to get a publicist as I explained to him that celebrities do NOT book the interviews/stories etc and that he needed someone to guide him through a campaign because if he didn’t no one would care WHO promoted his site unless he had a reason for people to invest.

I sent him to Prue McSween who quickly sent him packing, saying she would not work with him and  sending me an email saying she didn’t trust him and advised I not work for or with him either. It seems Prue’s instincts are good. I should have listened.

Justin cried poor about everything so I did him a favor and dropped my business class airfare (as part of my contract and standard with celebrity travel) and flew economy instead. More fool me cause at least I’d have the frequent flyer points as pay.

I was going to allow Justin to piggy back on the publicity from my book launch but he changed the date of his launch making me unable to do that. I advised him over and over again that he needed a 3 month lead up with a publicist but instead I didn’t even meet with his publicist until the day after I arrived in Australia and anyone who knows anything about publicity knows that was way too late to make any kind of an impact.

I also advised Justin that he needed a sticking point – either a charity angle or a massive prize giveaway, something to attract people to his site.  I told Justin that we could do The City to Surf and I could use my contacts along the route to do radio as I had done in the past. Two days before the event Justin told me he hadn’t enrolled me and would instead meet me at Bondi for a coffee to hand out flyers.

Justin also decided to run a boot camp and I advised him that doing so on a weekend of The City to surf would mean it would flop – something I learnt years ago with my own boot camps. Justin ignored my advice and it was a flop.

His launch party washed out, with me left stranded in my hotel during one of the biggest storms in history unable to get there. I hired a car that cost me $100 to drive less than a kilometer because Justin said he wasn’t fussed whether or not I made it. I did the appropriately professional thing and did everything I could to get there absorbing the cost myself which I no doubt would have had to do anyway!

The launch, which took more than 90 seconds of "work" to attend

At the launch Justin gave away MY books, promising to pay me for them and money I have never seen.

I managed to arrange a few interviews through various contacts but as I had told him time and again, unless he had something really amazing to talk about, people were going to change the subject and talk about anything BUT his website. I did my best with what little he had but Justin expected so much more.

Justin underpaid me (late and after much harassment) on the first payment and he promised me (all via emails I have from him) that he would pay me the balance on arriving in Australia. He didn’t. He kept telling me he would meet me for coffee or lunch and pay me then but then he wouldn’t. He wanted dinner dates and drinks and I have to be honest, it got a little creepy. I started to distance myself from him telling him that I didn’t need to meet with him personally to do business with him. He begged me to stay another week in Australia, offered me James’ apartment and even asked me if he could be my manager. As I said, CREEPY! AND UNPROFESSIONAL! All of which I have saved numerous messages as proof of this on the sim card I used in Australia at the time.

Another time Justin promised to bring the money he owed me and didn't

Justin's daughters who also attended the lunch

I find his claims that I did 90 seconds of work for him, that he made on Today Tonight, laughable. I toured Fernwood Gyms on behalf of him travelling as far as Woonoona, Roseberry and Castle Hill to give hour-long talks to the women members, shocked to discover that Justin had promised the gyms a giveaway of personal training sessions with me. I am not a personal trainer and therefore was embarrassed to be put in such a position.

One of the Fernwood gyms I did for him proving his claim I did no work for him as a LIE!

Justin became possessive and jealous, claiming that if I did anything that didn’t even relate to him that I had to mention him and his business.  Any media interest my blog generated he expected me to link to his site, which is also ridiculous….does Sonya Kruger mention Swisse every time she goes on camera? NO! I offered him a link on my website which he never took up and his claims that he “owned” me were actually quite frightening.

Justin had my face and testimonial on his website, on magazine ads, and in articles related to his business but once again, no sticking point…why would people go to his site? It had no hook. That is not my problem. I had done all publicity and promotion asked of me except for one tv show which Justin wanted me to do – it was a sleazy Today Tonight story on Centrelink cheats. I received NO conviction in my court case and have worked long and hard to move on from that despite the continuously INACCURATE reporting of that case.  They were never going to mention his business and he is stupid to think they would. NO doubt that is the number he kept when he chose to try to use a smear campaign to promote his failing business.

Justin complains that he got no traffic to his website and blames me for that. I have NO trouble getting traffic to my site, averaging 7,000 hits a month. I offered to write a blog for him but he never got around to implementing that either. All talk.

The third payment was overdue and he still hadn’t honored his first or second payment so I knew the likelihood of getting money from him was slim. He made constant claims that he had paid, that he didn’t have the right account, that the money bounced back…blah blah blah. He avoided my emails, my phone calls, my tweets and facebook messages. I got a message from James assuring me the payment would be made. At the same time Jonathon Coleman, who I believe had been recently unemployed from his radio job, reached out to me and the fool that I am I passed on his details  and an introduction to Justin. Cue Justin dropping me and hiring Jonathon. Hmmmmmm…interesting.

This is a man who went “on the record” claiming he had wiped my face from his website, firing me, and yet for another two months had my image and name plastered all over his website and social media pages. Justin Burden you are a LIAR! Justin, there is such a thing as unlawful termination and you are guilty of that and so much more.

When the money was way overdue Justin started his “let’s meet in person” requests again and I explained to him that I didn’t need to have coffee, lunch, dinner or drinks with him for him to please just pay me.

He never paid. Suffice to say I didn’t have lunch with him. Do you think Sonya Kruger has lunch with the Swisse vitamin people every time her cheque is due? Do you think she is the one picking up the phone to organize airing of her radio and TV ads? Well Sonya is probably paid up front and it was my mistake for cutting him a break in good faith. Seriously, Justin Burden is INSANE to think that booking publicity was even a part of my job. My contract CLEARLY stated I would help him within my capacity but when he wouldn’t take my advice, what hope was there of it ever being a success?

It’s ironic that still, despite starting a whole new campaign with Jonathon Coleman, the only publicity he gets is with me – the currently contracted face of his business.

I don’t deserve this. I worked hard for him. I gave him countless hours of my time and precious advice he ignored and valuable contacts he continues to use to this day despite him NEVER paying me on time, NEVER paying me in FULL and never doing what he was advised to do.

But I’m not the only one shafted by him. I know that Max Markson received a cheque that bounced for Leigh Westren’s involvement in his site, so at least we know he is consistent is his dodgy business ways. I actually thought James Markillie was a better man than to involve himself in this undeserved disgusting and inappropriate smear campaign. I’m a single mother doing the best I can. I didn’t deserve to be ripped off and certainly did not deserve this damaging campaign.

I have consistently offered Justin and James an amicable resolution to this but they both choose to ignore me, hoping I will go away. I will not. I’m just not knocking on their door today. That’s okay. I’m sure the publicity of the INEVITABLE case will be superb at placing their business in exactly the place it deserves to be. I know James has other business interests so I am sure they would be pleased to know of his association with this guy and business. And I was willing to let things lie until they went to court but after another online article surfaced today I decided that enough was enough.

I WILL be fighting this. Justin continues to use my name and image, in a way that I did not expect him to, however our contract is solid and watertight, legally binding no matter how many times he says he is not paying me, he will have no choice but to honour this agreement.  I have MORE than fulfilled my obligations and I will NOT roll over and allow him to damage the career and reputation  I have worked so hard to build up any more than he already has.

The ultimate irony is that he claims (his last ditch effort to avoid paying me) he fired me for being fat yet seems perfectly happy to take money from people needing to find a gym. Might as well add hypocrite to that list of terms used to describe a man I wouldn’t trust as far as I could spit. And shame on the companies who still associate with him. I have often supported many of those companies and by supporting his claims that I damaged his brand by being overweight is a HUGE insult to anyone who has ever struggled with their own weight. Oh and fyi, there was nothing in my contract saying I could not change my appearance and I did offer for him to make it a positive element of his site by inspiring others to follow my journey. He chose the low road! I’m annoyed that I’m even wasting my precious time writing about such a slug but I will not sit by and have him shout his load of crap to the world without letting him and others know there will be a recourse for it.

But these things take time. Justin owes me more than $35,000 in his contractual obligations alone, not counting the cost of damages I will be demanding from him in due time. But this dish is one best-served cold, and there IS a plan in action but it just has to take its time until it is ready to be served up.

But buyer beware, Justin Burden is obviously is not an honorable or trustworthy businessman so if you do business with him, keep it to a money up front only kind of deal.

Tania Zaetta has come out with claims she was bullied on Celebrity Apprentice. I have not seen the show, so my comments are limited to my opinion on the situation she refers to and that of filming “reality” TV, of which I have had considerable experience on both sides of the fence – as a host of The Biggest Loser AND as a contestant on Excess Baggage.

This first came to my attention when I stumbled upon Charlotte Dawson’s tweets about the situation. I got interested as I am a staunch advocate of anti bullying and will rally to anyone’s defense in the hope of stamping it out forever. I wish!

I guess first of all I should declare that I have met Charlotte a few times (as part of The Logies 50^th anniversary special and at charity functions etc) and I found her to be positive, friendly, energetic, enthusiastic, very real, a say it how it is woman and someone who had her sisters’ back and who celebrated not being a stick thin insect in a world that covets that. I liked her.

I met Tania once, many many years ago when I was doing breakfast radio for Austereo at SAFM and there was some Ladies luncheon for a local charity and Tania attended as a celebrity during her time as co host on Who Dares Wins. I was at the same table as Tania, although I am sure she wouldn’t remember as I think she must have been suffering from really bad gastro because during the one hour lunch she must have visited the ladies room at least five or six times which was made even worse by the obvious cold she had, with sniffles that just seemed to get worse every time she came back to the table to her untouched lunch. Poor thing.

Anyone who knows me knows I hate bullies. My son, who has Aspergers, is bullied almost every week. I have also been severely bullied in various TV workplaces (some I have yet to speak up about) and it was only a few weeks ago that a fellow contestant admitted she had joined in on a group bullying that went on during my time on Excess Baggage. But here’s the difference: making a TV show and making it dramatic is one thing…it happens and yes, people are cast to play “certain parts” or be “certain types” (they have psychological testing you know) but it is my personal opinion that all drama stops (or should stop) when the camera turns off. If it continues then it is bullying, but within reason, certainly in a competitive environment, everyone is fair game (to a certain degree and I guess that is the problem…there is NO standard definition of the rules to play by set by anyone producing these shows)

Sadly my bullying wasn’t confined to camera time alone and in fact continued till weeks after we had ceased shooting. Darryn Lyons and his minions of cling-on wanna-be’s spent countless off camera hours perpetuating lies about me (of which I have written admissions of guilt of), taunting me, teasing me and straight out abusing me in person, online or in the media.

I’ve just checked myself into therapy to deal with it because sadly, I left Excess Baggage with more baggage than I came with and no one did anything to deal with it when it was happening – 24/7, on AND off camera. I changed hotels just to get away from Darryn Lyons and his constant asides aimed at me.  And when it wasn’t him it was his merry band of gutless wonders who couldn’t/wouldn’t face me but who would simply throw jibes at me about things in my past. “Yes, you’re terrible Muriel and you know it!”

Reality TV is ruthless and cruel. It is built around conflict and you are stupid if you think the producers will only ask you questions about rainbows, puppy dogs and lollipops. I also believe that you can’t be made out to be someone you are not….to a certain degree. There is no doubt shows and situations are manipulated..I’ve seen it done…..to levels you would not even believe…but no one can put words in your mouth and when you sign onto a reality show you MUST live and die by the sword you wield. And casting is done in order to create that conflict because sadly people LOVE to watch the drama!

That said, there HAS to be a line drawn in the sand, when the cameras are off it is time to STOP and we have to have some voice of reason watching on and blowing the whistle when enough is enough or we will wind up just like The Hunger Games, sending our children off to fight to the death. I was devastated that not even the psychologist on my show would step in and put a stop to the hurtful, hateful, spiteful bullying I was subjected to – DEVASTATED. That show pushed me to the edge.…a place I have not quite come back from to be honest.

I had a certain celebrity contestant come to my room one night and tell me that even though she had backstabbed me solidly on and off camera for about 6 weeks, that it wasn’t “real” and that she actually liked me and wanted to be my friend. Here’s the thing: even though it is TV, when you are on the end of it,  it actually feels real and the people at home who tweet and email you think it is real too and they perpetuate the nastiness to a level that the anonymity of the web gives those pathetic enough to spend their time doing that kind of thing.

So, I guess what I am saying, is that neither party is right. Tania is probably being a little melodramatic and maybe, just maybe, those incredibly successful women who have had to be a little “ruthless” to get to the top of their game, may have come across as bullies when they were probably just doing their job and were maybe just banding together which is what happens in groups. Reality TV is like Lord of the Flies – there always has to be a “Piggy” character, and you are either the hunter or the hunted. That’s how it works. That’s what Suzanne Collins is saying in The Hunger Games, which is why it resonates so strongly with us all. It’s so close to home it is terrifying!

Sometimes reality TV is way too produced and other times it is far too real. Where will it end?

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