Anti-bullying | Ajay Rochester's Finding My Mojo

Category Archives: Anti-bullying

NO H8!

July 8, 2012

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Life, Womanhood

Here’s a weird thing….I started writing this post (see below) almost a year ago..it was so emotional to me I couldn’t publish it..I couldn’t actually allow the ugly person who wrote that message have a voice or a platform that they obviously could not build on their own and just didn’t deserve to use mine to spread their ugliness to the people who follow my blog because they like it….so I simply put it as a draft scheduled for a later date and forgot about it…then this morning I woke up to find it here….I was about to remove it and then thought, no, it’s kind of relevant……will explain more after….but first read this…

No matter how you dress it up (or down) hatred of any kind is WRONG. Call it what you want: hate, discrimination, racism, sizeism, sexism, bullying, bigotry, mysogony, advertising (lol), it has many different names and faces but boils down to the same thing: humans of all different kinds deserve an equal amount of love, respect and dignity. It seems the debate that I got into in this blog a few weeks ago just seems to be getting hotter and hotter which I fervently hope means that people are listening and a revolution is at last upon us!

…

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Managing the Meltdowns.

January 9, 2012

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Autism, Education, Parenting

For Shelley and anyone else who may need it…….

I got an email the other day from a mom whose 5 year old has just been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder otherwise known as Aspergers. I know that first feeling all too well as Kai was the same age when he got his diagnosis except I had the luxury of knowing absolutely nothing about Aspergers and in some ways, ignorance was bliss. These days there’s a lot more awareness about it even amongst those who don’t know someone with it so I can imagine those first horrifying thoughts of what might lie ahead.

And whilst I can only speak for myself, and the people I know who have kids with the “disorder” (a word I prefer to NOT use), I want to assure you, it is not as bad as you might think. Yes the road will be rough, but not as tough as someone whose child is given a diagnosis of something like leukemia. Aspergers will not kill your child and I have learnt to find the blessings wherever they might be.

The mom reached out to me cause I have written previously about the meltdowns my son has had over the years with his Aspergers and she was hoping to get some advice from me on how to manage the meltdowns to minimize collateral damage.…

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If you wouldn’t pull the trigger then don’t help load the gun.

January 8, 2012

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Excess Baggage, Life

Having lost my birth mother a very short year after meeting her I know just how precious and fleeting life and time can be. So I can never fathom why anyone with five minutes to themselves would use their time to be nasty and cruel to a fellow human being.

I am inspired to write about, but also incredibly heart broken for, Amanda Cummings, another child who was bullied to the point where she felt no other escape than to take her own life.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2083504/Amanda-Cummings-suicide-Hate-messages-Facebook-tribute-page.html

Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break your bones but names can never hurt you” was, to put it simply, unfeeling and ignorant.

It’s very easy for someone else to say, “Don’t listen to what nasty people say,” but if you are fragile, lost, in pain and afraid, sometimes it doesn’t take much to make you feel like there is nowhere else to go but to just go. I know, I have been there before far too many times to mention. I have learnt that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be but on the bad days it is a fragile and elusive thread that keeps me attached to this mortal coil. I have my son Kai to thank for my ability to keep going but not everyone has an anchor so strong.…

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iAM! iAM! iAM ME! The iAM Project begins.

October 15, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Finding My Mojo

The iAM Project

iAM me! iAM Beautiful! iAM unique!

iAM a mother of a son with Aspergers.

Steve Jobs, whilst not officially diagnosed as having Autism or Aspergers, is an undisputed legend who, in his passing, has become a champion of these children and others – exuding certain traits that society deemed “strange” or “peculiar” but with the very traits that made this man a genius who changed the way the world turned.

The iAM Project started out as a way to give children on the autism spectrum a voice, a way for the world to understand why they are the way they are, how they feel, think and process and to foster an awareness so that they may be accepted by a society that needs to understand that EVERYBODY is different and that makes us ALL THE SAME! http://wp.me/p1L4ip-6K

But then the emails came: from kids who had been bullied because they were overweight, boys bullied because they are gay, women bullied for baring bodies that aren’t considered “mainstream”, geeks bullied because they weren’t popular and popular girls bullied because they were “too pretty”.

See: we really are all the same!

And so iDECIDED to make this project available to everyone who wants to take part.…

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Mummy, why are all your friends gay?

October 14, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Life, Parenting

I’ve never really stopped to think about it but when I did, I realized that is was pretty close to being true. Certainly most of the men I spend time with are in fact gay but it’s not like I openly ask people if they prefer boobies over bottoms then relegate them to the appropriate section of my life – actively involved or kept at a cool heterosexually safe distance….or do I?

Kai started listing the men who regularly hang out at my place or who are involved in my life/career: Christian the photographer, Drew the producer, Matt the publicist, Bryan the actor, Bobby the pa, Glenn the make up artist, Adam the other photographer, another Adam the real gay cowboy, David the hairdresser, Craig another make up artist ……OMG I am a fag hag!!!! Any wonder my son always has such perfectly groomed hair! Hilair!

Maybe it is because I work in the arts, maybe it’s because I do feel safer amongst guys whose only agenda in my life is friendship and fun, maybe it’s because the few hetero guys I have loved broke me and my son’s hearts so badly I still shy away from the possibility of letting someone in, maybe it’s because I have loved both men and women alike and I just don’t judge someone by who they choose to love and I guess it’s why I so quickly jumped on the bandwagon of the NOH8 campaign.…

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The I A.M Project!

October 7, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Parenting

The I A.M Project: Autism Moms giving their kids a voice.

Okay so proving proving proving that there really is a silver lining to every cloud this is the very beginning of what I hope will become a beautiful project and possibly even a book we can share with the world. But let’s start with a whisper and see who hears.

Why a whisper?

Well this project began when a school teacher pulled my son out of his chair by his hoodie, dragged him across and out of the room and yelled at him, “I am sick of your stupid choices.” My son has Aspergers. It does not define who he is but it certainly affects him and those around him.

In an attempt to educate rather than fight, I sat down with my son and wrote a letter to the world (his teachers) about who he is and why he is the way he is. I wanted him to feel good about who he is and I wanted to plant a seed of understanding, acceptance and encouragement in everyone who comes into contact with kids like mine – kids on the Autism Spectrum. I want them to catch a glimpse of what their world looks like to get a feel for how big and scary it can be for them.…

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While there is life there is hope

October 6, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Education, Life, Parenting

Yesterday after doing shadow puppets on a school projector screen, my son Kai was grabbed from behind by his Science teacher, pulled out of his chair by his hoodie, and dragged across the room, hitting the door on the way out and being yelled at with, “I am sick of the stupid choices you make.”

Whilst I don’t condone my son’s behaviour I cannot accept that his teacher’s response was in any way acceptable especially given Kai has Aspergers.

At present it seems the school are simply demanding an apology from the teacher. Kai is expected to accept the apology and move on. I am currently doing everything I can to help Kai through it dealing with the humiliation, degradation, physical asssault, the insult and the fear he currently feels in regard to someone who should be an advocate of trust. It is important the he understands that it is NOT okay to hurt anyone no matter how frustrated you might be but I am also trying to help him become empowered and learn how to heal and deal with life’s bumpy terrain.

I have spent hours up there with the principal, the psychologist, his special ed teacher and of course Kai. I had promised this list to his Social Studies teacher last week (a stark difference to his abusive out of control science teacher, she had said to me, “Please teach me everything I can know about Aspergers and any thing I can do to help him succeed” Bless her!!!!) In an effort to turn this into something good I have published this here in the hope of educating anyone else who would like to learn and understand what it is like living with Aspergers – an often mysterious diagnosis because sometimes, the high functioning kids like mine can “fly under the radar”.…

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Well hung eggs!

September 21, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Finding My Mojo, Life, Parenting

Bullying will never go away and we are stupid to think it might. There is a term in nature called “survival of the fittest” and the reason some animals eat their young is they know that the weak or deformed newborn has little chance of survival and as such gets sacrificed for whatever reason nature deems the “greater good.” Whether it is instinctual or emotive I doubt even David Attenborough knows but it happens and whilst we might be able to train Apes to sign and dolphins to jump at our command, there are some elements of nature we just cannot change. I believe bullying is one of them.

Now before you go misquoting or emailing me, incensed that I should suggest any parent sit down to dinner with their weaker child Hannibal Lecter style, or think I am saying it is okay to bully (because quite frankly it is not) please take the time to hear me out.

Everyone who read my previous blogs at Chasing Oprah and here at FMM know that my son has been bullied time and time again for being “different” and not just for having Aspergers. His various “crimes against humanity” have been anything from being called gay, a retard, fat, fairy, baby, poor, stupid, ugly, slow, dangerous, dumb and spastic.…

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Open letter to Kerri-Anne Kennerly

September 4, 2011

Posted by AjayRochester in Anti-bullying, Life

Dear KAK,

I see that Alex Perry is to appear on tmrw’s show AGAIN defending himself (again) and claiming that he was not previously lying his own rather overtuffed arse off when he guffawed at the suggestion (triggered by comments I made about him to a journalist in the hope of promoting positive images for women of all shapes and sizes) that he might hate fat or even healthy or perhaps even under weight women.

Please note, BOTH of you, that “hatred” comes in many forms including discrimination, bullying and outright nastiness. Veiling it in the excuse that TV is entertainment is a sad and pathetic excuse and having met and talked with Tyra Banks this year she would be ashamed that you are using her vehicle to subversively promote your own discriminating size-ism.

I would have hoped that as a healthy and seemingly normal bodied woman (and a hero of mine) you would have really gone a little harder on him during your last commerical for his business/sucking up to him for future dresses segment disguised as an interview. I’m sorry but your nose appeared to be quite brown by the end of the interview and given I was part of the subject matter and you did not even invite me to respond I was saddened by your willingness to prostitute yourself so easily.…

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