Here’s a weird thing….I started writing this post (see below) almost a year ago..it was so emotional to me I couldn’t publish it..I couldn’t actually allow the ugly person who wrote that message have a voice or a platform that they obviously could not build on their own and just didn’t deserve to use mine to spread their ugliness to the people who follow my blog because they like it….so I simply put it as a draft scheduled for a later date and forgot about it…then this morning I woke up to find it here….I was about to remove it and then thought, no, it’s kind of relevant……will explain more after….but first read this…
No matter how you dress it up (or down) hatred of any kind is WRONG. Call it what you want: hate, discrimination, racism, sizeism, sexism, bullying, bigotry, mysogony, advertising (lol), it has many different names and faces but boils down to the same thing: humans of all different kinds deserve an equal amount of love, respect and dignity. It seems the debate that I got into in this blog a few weeks ago just seems to be getting hotter and hotter which I fervently hope means that people are listening and a revolution is at last upon us! Nancy Upton is the latest card carrying member of this not so secret society of women refusing to stitch their mouths shut – literally and metaphorically! Posing swallowing a whole chicken in a spoof entry for American Apparrel’s “Find us a not so fat chick and call her a plus size model competition”. Wendy Williams coined the phrase “friend in my head” and seeing her on the Today show I immediately wanted to hunt her down, hug her and go eat a pizza with her that we probably won’t share nor will we disappear into the bathroom seven times during the course of just one meal (a common occurrence in the city of size zeroes). This is the very reason I, in my own perfect apparrently PLUS sized skin burnt my bra and everything else and posed NUDElicious for the NO H8 campaign. The scariest thing I have ever done not made any easier by the hateful email that was the first to hit my blog from some coward with the phoney email address of ihate@fatsluts.com: “no one wants to see all that stretched marked, wobbly, dimply skin, your dirty whore. Put it away. No one wants to see all that dirty fat. Your big fat legs and those saggy tits. I thought you had a breast lift? Doesn’t seem to have worked. As for the tummy tuck you had, that’s just made you a more abnormal shape. The stretch marked thing is pulled down then your huge legs are blopping out under it. Yuck. No one wants to see that much of you ajay you big fat loser.” Well, after calling my brother and telling him to stop emailing me (joking) I was inundated with some incredibly positive and supporting messages which I am very thankful for but to be honest, the hateful vitriol of this “ugly on the inside” person got to me because this IS what a lot of UGLY people think.
You’d be surprised just how many emails I get like this, tweets, replies on my blog, facebook messages etc on a DALY basis that sound like this. Some of them sound strangely familiar and I have no doubts this particular email is from someone who follows my every step. I had an internet detective go through the messages I was receiving and he found that there was one particular internet address that was recurring and they were all the home of such hateful spiteful messages and defamatory statements and links not just to me personally but posted around the internet as well (IMDB, Wikipedia etc). The even more amazing info he found out was that the person doing this to me actually worked in my industry and was someone I knew but had never ever done anything to them to warrant such hateful vitriol. They were just obsessed in a really sick evil way.
The part I don’t understand is how someone can have such an empty and hollow life to actually spend their precious life’s time and energy doing such a thing. Of course, once I emailed this person letting them know they had been tracked and that if I outed them their career would most definitely be over, not to mention having a stalking and harassment charge on their record, they backed off somewhat although every now and then I get a message that screams “that person” but these days they take themselves off to untraceable internet cafes and public computers and they are not as often, leaving it to the usual nut-jobs that spend their time on the internet simply being haters which was the point I was trying to make to Chrissie Swan about the crazies on the internet – sadly it just gives a voice to those with nothing but hate in their life because the GOOD people are out there doing something wonderful and love filled with theirs.
Now don’t get me wrong, I also get some amazing messages from women and men I have never met, saying beautiful things about how my books have helped them, how Healthy Body Club changed their lives etc etc and I am truly grateful for the time these people have taken out of their gratitude filled days to make mine a little brighter.
Bu for those people who don’t like what I say or do, then just go somewhere else, don’t look at my photos, don’t read my blog, go and get a Guns n Ammo magazine and think about how many animals you could hunt and kill with the amount of hatred (and obvious spare time) you have. At least your family could eat whatever you kill rather than trying to crush the spirits of those who are simply living their mission in life!
And for all those who are following their hearts and chasing their dreams:
Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of yours!
Just sayin!
“ihate@ …. ” obviously needs glasses – I think your NO h8 picture is beautiful !!
thank u xx
very well-written. i really enjoy reading your blog entries! it’s always interesting how people push their own insecurities onto other people. immaturity @ its very finest. some individuals never grow up, unfortunately.
I would love to feel that good about myself. I have a very poor self image, and nothing much of what I do makes it better. I am amazed by you Ajay!