Day one going well so far. I’m very aware of the self talk that goes on inside my head, expecting failure, almost “tricking” me into self sabotage…..things like when I was coming down from the Canyon I was thinking, “Oh I should stop at the store and grab some things before I go home”. The problem with that is that is was time to have lunch and if I went to the supermarket when I am starving and having just done a massive 2 hour hike I know for a FACT that I will fall head first into something unhealthy. So I stuck to the plan and went home and had the salad I had prepared for lunch.

Now I can go to the supermarket later at a time when I will not wind up buying the wrong kinds of foods. Speaking of which, continuing on yesterday’s theme of planning and preparation, it really is important to always have water and healthy snacks on hand. If you can look ahead to possible speed humps then you can avoid them before they slow down your progress.

So make sure you have fruit and nuts and water in your cupboards, handbag and car (within reason…no smelly melted bananas in a car in summer heat eughhhhhh).…

Kai went to camp today. Sadly it was after one of the biggest fights we have ever had. Now I have to wait a whole month until I speak to him and can only be content with letters. I cleaned the whole house today, setting up a little gym in my house and getting ready for the next 4 weeks of Project Ajay. But before I could move on, I wanted to make sure that not only was I in a good place to make the next 4 weeks a success, but also make sure that Kai can learn and grow and heal from what went on between us.

Here is my letter to him…

Darling Kai,

 I was so sad today after you left. I cried and cried. There is so much I want to say and I really want and need you to hear me.  You are nearly 13. In a few years you will be old enough to leave home and stand on your own. Everything I do for you I do in the hope that when you are old enough to do that, that you have good values that will help you be happy and successful.

 I have made many mistakes in my life.…

So the other day I was fortunate enough to have a friend shout me a session with a therapist. She had had some sessions with this woman and said she was incredible and recommended I see her.

I recently spent some good money on some boring sessions  with another therapist where I talked and he listened (probably making mental shopping lists of what he was doing with my money) and gave me NO useful tools to take out of the session and into my life and as such after the third session I cancelled promising to never go back again.

I LOVE (GOOD) therapy! LOVE IT! I’ve been my most functional when I have an expert helping me heal the parts of my life that don’t quite work, but there’s a lot of people out there who really should be doing something else (and perhaps even be in therapy themselves)  but let me tell you I have NEVER experienced anything like what I did the other day with this woman – an intuitive psychiatrist (yes only in Hollywood!) who in just one session changed the course of my life.

This woman got me to fill out lots of forms covering my life history “in brief”.…

Okay, I’m watching Bethenny (love you BF!!) and the topic of “Attachment Parenting” has reared its ugly head again. Now, I’m not saying that breast feeding your child is ugly but am I the only person who thinks that these women are a little disconnected with what is actually going on with their children?

I watched this woman sit on the couch and describe how her son comes home from school and instead of telling her how independent he was and how he coped with the varitey of adventures and obstacles his early version of society presented him with, he went straight to her breast to “comfort” himself.  Her voice went all goo goo gaga and they showed footage of her all snuggled up with her kid on the couch, rubbing his hair with her breast in his mouth and I just can’t help but think, give this kid an apple and talk to him about how his day went, good and bad and set him up with strategies he can use later in life.

Breast milk is for nutrition. It is not a pacifier nor is it a coping mechanism the kids can ever use once they are weaned.

This woman further proved the point when she said that if they are in a park and he has a “boo boo”, which I presume is an accident of some sort, then she whips out her tit and soothes him with it.…

Believe it or not there is a reason you (and I) are currently fat. You can call it big bones or genetics, and I do NOT believe that every single person should be skinny, but the EXCESS we carry really comes down to a few simple home truths that we must acknowledge are keeping us overweight before we can even begin to leave it all behind…

So I have decided that this is Fresh Start Monday and over the next few weeks we will take Mondays to look at our lives and what we can alter to effect a change for the better.

So in an effort to Start Fresh, I have decided to out myself on the rules that I have until now, lived and (almost) died by versus lived and dieted by.

1. Any food eaten while inebriated doesn’t count. Anything you don’t remember eating has no caloric content whatsoever. A good point to take note of, though, is any bad dancing you do allows you to eat even more junk food on the way home because you have “earned” the calorie deficit.
2. Food eaten during sex doesn’t count. You burn 1000 calories having an orgasm therefore any strawberries, champagne, candy knickers or chocolate body paint are immediately cancelled out.

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